its hard to believe that there is ever good that should come my way… like i seriously think that even when God says this is ok im saying no cause i never feel good enough for anyone or anything…it was so much easier to be bad and not giving a shit and now that i changed my thinking and i feel everything and i just want something real and honest… not  just for today or tomorrow even next week i want it for a long time… im so scared of being hurt and miserable again.. i dont want that and i honestly just want to be happy and  in love and have my mom be ok and my baby sister… i feel even if i dont get anything out this world they should… i would love to wake up every morning happy and looking forward to the day but hell i cant even get out of bed sometimes and really relax… im so uptight and so fustrated with life that its hard to say i love me and anyone else that comes.. but then again i have seen that i can love someone else more than me and want them happy and loved… i cant believe she came in and i dont want her to go ever.. i just need to know that this isnt just for today or tomorrow or next week its for a long time.. cause i want to give my heart a break.. i want to hear i love you and i want to know it isnt just a joke or a black girl thing for now… what do you do when you finally believe your dreams are coming true and your so scared its fake that you might just make it go away cause of your own mind…?

i dont judge anyone its not who i am… but because i where skinny jeans and flannel shirts and i have tattoos.. i sport my gayness im judge and wrong… If i say i dont like when a straight male says nasty or rude things to me then im an out of control ragging dyke… and when i stand up for my rights to be with a woman.. im going to hell… well this is all a bunch of crap… im not just a unique independent rebellious 25 year old with a serious attitude towards people who stop and look at me like im growing another eye on my forhead because i dress comfortable and like being who i am. There are things i know and have learned since coming out at 16. i know who i am and i will be only be me each and everyday im on this earth… there is nothing more important to me than to be a real kind and understanding outspoken person. I believe that we are all we equal not just because we pay taxes and all live under one nation… but because one god made us.. That god is the only person that can or should judge me…. if my skinny jeans flanel shirts tattoos loud music and bad-ass attitude makes you stop and look at me then keep looking cause i figure this i was hated the day i was born and i will be hated the day i die.. 

this is your mistic rebel saying judgement to will be judged by someone some day…!!!